Category Archives: Travel

Powers’ Wisdom. Gospel? Not quite, but close.

I have just a few days left of teaching children.  I have spent approximately 5 years educating young minds; ages 4 to 14.  This all comes to an end this Friday, February 19th.  My next employer is a private women’s university located in central Seoul, South Korea.

I can look back and honestly say, “Yeah, I’m gonna miss this….and now I’m over it.”  It’s time to say goodbye to kids peeing in their pants in class and waist-high children headbutting me in the testicles.   Now I’ll have to settle for large classes of 20-year old women hanging onto my every word as the ultimate purveyor of knowledge and truth.

I’d like to take this time to do a retrospective on my 5 years as an elementary school teacher.  What will I miss?  Perhaps my wisdom will act as a beacon of light in your otherwise dark existence.

1.  Going into the bathroom at school, seeing the toilet seat down, and asking myself, “I wonder what surprise is under there today.”

2.  The special student, Hannah, who would pick large, wet, slimy boogers out of her nose and chase me around the classroom, attempting to rub them on me.  Or when she wasn’t in class, the frequent pop-ins where she’d open the door to my classroom and let our a terrific screech, like a velociraptor, and then quickly slam the door shut and run away.

3.  The cool 6th grade boys who, as soon as they’re out of my classroom and surrounded by girls, shout insults at me in Korean (knowing I don’t understand) while the girls try to not to laugh.  What I won’t miss:  not being able to suplex them on the concrete.

4.  Public school bathrooms lacking climate control due to budgetary reasons.  In the winter, I sit down on the toilet wearing my ski jacket, some thick gloves, and fluffy ear muffs.  In the summer, I strip off my shirt and hang it on the hook to prevent heat stroke.

5.  Corrupting young minds with my rogue ideologies; brush your teeth just once per day while also demanding more snacks, preferably Jello pudding.

That’s it for now; this list will be updated throughout the day as I sit in my office reflecting (snoring loudly) over these last 5 great years.

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Filed under comedy, Education, ESL, Humour, Travel

Same Same, But Different

Vacation to Thailand.  Occurred Jan. 23 – Feb. 1, 2010, Written Feb. 10, 2010.

Day 1

Thailand was supposed to be the greatest vacation ever.  My spirits were high as I imagined a vacation of epic proportions.  It had so many things going for it.  For starters, a university buddy of mine, Grant, who I hadn’t seen in years was to meet me in Bangkok.  Plus I had a good friend, Isaac, who lived in Bangkok.  After a weekend of tom-foolery and wild debaucheries in Bangkok, Grant and I would head to Kho Pha Ngan, the Thai island famous for full moon parties and other forms of trouble (both legal and not so legal).  I would throw the guide book in trash can and let the wind guide the two of us; two handsome bachelors on a whirlwind tour of Southeast Asia.

Sadly, Grant grant canceled just 10 days before the trip.  He cited work and girlfriend conflicts.  This was a disaster.  What was I supposed to do? I sulked and whined.  A huge problem was I couldn’t go to Kho Pha Ngan anymore.  Without Grant to split the bill with, I couldn’t afford the hotels and there would be no discount on air travel that I would have gotten by purchasing two tickets.  Where was I gonna go?  How would I get there?  Argh!

After a couple hours of non-productive whining, I decided I needed a change of heart.  I was suffering from severe culture shock from living in Korea and I needed a temporary reprieve to recharge my batteries.

I was going on this vacation no matter what and damn it, I was going to have a good time too!  Continue reading

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The Temptation of Powers

Beginning in March, I will be a writing instructor at a women’s university in Seoul, South Korea. At first, I raised my hands to Heaven and thanked the Almighty for such a precious gift.

I imagined that my lectures would not only be a place of tapping into their  creative spirits, but also a place where 40 beautiful 20-year old women and one older man could have massive pillow fights where we’re all laughing and accidentally falling on top of each other.

When not pillow fighting, we would have meaningful conversations about their awful boyfriends during my private office hours.  Continue reading

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The Theory of Non Resistance

Occurred October-November 2009; Written January 2010.  Part 1 of 2.

This true-life story of a hero is at sometimes crass, chauvinistic, and filled with sexual content.  If you find it disturbing to imagine me naked and copulating in a field of wheat while shooting off fireworks, you should stop reading this immediately.

I have not always been so caring and empathetic towards women.  There were times that I may have lied for sex:  I’m rich.  Look at my hands; they’re HUGE (as I hold up my hand stuffed inside a giant prosthetic hand)! I really like you, there’s a future here.  You’re nothing like your mother.  No, the smell doesn’t bother me.

In college, I was a bit of a social scientist specializing in male-female sexual behavior.  As someone who wasn’t getting any on a regular basis, I felt qualified to postulate on the behavior of all men when put in a sexual situation.

On one particular evening, while hanging out with friends, I took a massive bong hit and was overcome by a coughing fit and the sudden realization that:  1) I should learn to play the guitar because I’m an artist at heart, and 2) the Theory of Non-Resistance.
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She’s A Keeper

Occurred November 2009, Written February 2010.

I currently live in Seoul, South Korea. I will let that sink in for a moment. Breathe it in. Oh yeah, pretty awesome.

Many months ago, I broke up with my non-Korean and very Jewish Canadian girlfriend. She was beautiful and insane. We suffered each others existence for a year and a half. Recently I made the decision to start dating again.

I was ready to put my emotions on the line; to take a risk for love. If you’re not lovin’, you’re not livin’ (You can put that on a fortune cookie, I won’t sue).

Or was it because Mr. Dangles demanded it? Anyways, Mr. Dangles or not, I was going to give it another go.

As someone very experienced in the dating world, I can say with 100% certainty that the best place to meet women is the internet. It’s a gold mine of insecurities, lack of self-respect, and women who take pictures of themselves in their underwear and then ask, “Why don’t men respect me?” This was where I was going to find the future Mrs. Powers.

Long story short, I met a young lady named Choeun. Choeun is a brilliant artist and a very attractive woman. We exchanged emails and decided to meet in person. Choeun lived 3 hours south of me. I imagined that we would have to meet halfway in the middle and I would spend over $100 on a train ticket to see a woman I had never met before. Luckily, Choeun hates herself and is desperate for male approval, so she hopped on a train and met me in Seoul.
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This is Me

I’m here, writing to you today, because you need me. My life is awesome; I will allow you to live vicariously through me. See the world through my lens of awesomeness.

I am a “professor” (by trade), writer (by passion), comic (because I’m funny), and world traveler (you are correct, because I travel the world).

I am a citizen of the United States, but have lived in Taiwan, South Korea, Indonesia, and the United Arab Emirates. I’ve traveled to over twenty countries and I’m just getting warmed up.

These are the true stories of my life, plus a few random ramblings. You will find them hilarious. You will leave me comments such as “You’re hilarious!” and then you will tell your friends about my awesome site. Believe.

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